Episode 3: She was...

Beauty, even in Death.

Have you ever "Googled" yourself? C'mon, sure you have. If not, maybe you've thought about it, or maybe now you are thinking about it or even trying it. If you haven't, maybe someone else has. A late night creeper episode from the boy down the lane, someone trying to see if you're actually famous. You probably get results like

So-And-So l Facebook, or So-And-So on Twitter (@soandso), or So-And-So insert-random-stupid-highscool-MySpace-name-here. Maybe some YouTube videos if they have them, maybe some random stuff for people with the same name, maybe a work-related website or a people search. Well, if you search

Gloria Dawes, it's a little different.

Gloria Dawes - News, Sports, Jobs - The Intelligencer... "Sep 6, 2011 – DAWES, Gloria M., 22, of Adena, Ohio, loving daughter and cherished granddaughter, was killed in an auto accident Sunday, September 4, ..."

Gloria Dawes, The Post

OHIO: Compass - University mourns loss of student. Gloria M. Dawes, 22, who died in an auto accident on Sunday, Sept. 4.

gloria dawes - WOUB - Counseling Available For Those Who Knew Gloria Dawes.

Dawes was killed in car crash over the weekend.

Oh, and here's one for Facebook: A permanent tribute to Gloria Dawes: This page was created to showcase the tattoos G's family, friends, and fans have gotten in memory of her.

You know, Gloria had been in the paper a few times. I've been in the paper a few times. My friends have been in the paper a few times. Mentions, pictures, articles, whatever. You never imagine that at 22 it's going to be your friend's obituary that you have to read. And you know, I still have trouble thinking that it's hers.

"Crash Claims Adena Woman."

No, that's not Gloria. They're talking about someone else. Woman? Gloria was my friend from high school, still a girl like me.

Except

We're not just girls anymore. One day I'll even be old. But not poor G.

You know it's hard even to write this, because I can't stop crying. Sometimes I feel like a fool because, honestly, Gloria and I weren't' that close. At least, not in the past couple of years. We'd say Hi on Facebook, I'd text her for advice on piercings and tattoos now and then, but the last time I saw her? That's been over a year ago, now. I babysat Rufio for her before she went to the beach. With her family. Always her family.

I'll never forget the way she looked. Beautiful, as always. So tiny and cute, with perfect cat-eye makeup and a smile with those beautiful teeth. Her hair was done up nice, as usual as well, and she wore skinny jeans and sandals and I noticed she now had tattoos on her feet. I hugged her small frame and thought about how much I needed to lose weight.

I hadn't seen her in a WHILE but it didn't matter, she asked about nursing, I asked about dancing, we talked for a bit and I got Rufio's things and put them in my messy car. I remember she had her personalized license plates and a Macbook box in her back seat. Stupid little things you remember.

The next time I saw her was about a week later when I met them in the parking lot at Oglebay before work and returned her kitten to her. Another hug, "I got you something at the beach!" "You shouldn't have!" I never knew that I'd never see her again and I never knew that I'd never get that gift in person.

I still can barely even TALK about Gloria. I can't imagine the pain of her best friends and family when I can't even deal with thinking about her.

But man, back in high school. I really looked up to Gloria. There were times when I was uptight about things that she was doing but I ended up doing them anyhow, with different people, so what did it matter? I got to experience so much with G and her family. God I'll NEVER forget summers at Grandma and Pap-pap's lake house at Seneca. We got our boating licenses together, and I rode jet skis for the first and last time ever, and I left my license in one of them. It didn't matter, though, because I didn't get to drive boats and jet skis with anyone else. I remember Gloria and Becca fighting and I had to laugh because Steven and I always fought too. Neither of those girls seemed like they would fight with each other but they did.

Gloria and I danced together, at Oglebay, which was a wonderful experience that I never would have had without her and her family, once again. I feel bad now because I remember Shelley taking us to some of our Mini-Nut performances and me listening to headphones. It was rude. I should have been talking to them and being appreciative of the ride. I was just awkward back then.

I'll NEVER forget my high school hormones and being upset over stupid boys, but even more than that I'll never forget Gloria saying to me as we got on the interstate one day, in her mom's car, that I was beautiful and that I could easily have any guy I wanted. Dear God, Gloria, you were an amazing person.

We did OVAC dance line together and our first year or two, it was just us. We were really good and we roomed together. I remember we were ALWAYS on completely opposite ends of the dance line, on the very ends, because we were both the shortest girls there. I remember having so much fun laughing together about some of the mean girls' makeup and stupid attitudes, and I'll never forget when Lindsey Mendleson told this one girl, whose name shall not be mentioned here, that she needed to wear darker lipstick because she looked ridiculous and very much like she had no lips. We almost died laughing. That girl shouldn't have been nasty to us!

We cheered together, often laughing about everything and nothing. Best friends? No, but damn we did spend a lot of time together. I'll never forget our senior year of high school and OVAC cheer camp for the All-star game. We'd both made the big decision not to do the dance line this year, and we both were nominated for cheerleading. Almost every school there just had one girl sent forth, but ours had two: Me and G. I'll never forget going there and thinking, "Oh god, these girls are going to be a lot different from us, and I'll be awkward and Gloria is always friends with everyone." Well G was thinking too after our first practice that this was going to be hell. We didn't really like anyone. Honestly now I feel REALLY bad about that and I remember one night (we roomed together during camp, too) talking about it together. We both decided that we'd been silly because these girls were AWESOME and so much fun, too. We decided that probably everyone had come in with the same mindset as us, because none of us really talked or got along much during the first few practices, but after that you'd have thought we were all best friends.

I remember once sitting in Wendy's in the Ohio Valley Mall with one of Gloria's boyfriends who was total dick-head and thinking to myself, "Why is Gloria with this dude? He's good looking and all but he's kind of an ass and G is way better than him." He kept loudly making fun of and criticizing this indian couple who were in there. I thought of how opposite he and G were. I mean, don't get me wrong, all of us girls would laugh about things that probably weren't very nice, but I'm sorry, so do most other people. We weren't asses about it though.

I remember G was always beautiful and cute, like I said earlier, but she always liked crazy new weird things, and did her own thing a lot of the time. Sometimes I looked at her like "Dude, really?" But everything she did just fit her so well and you'd end up being like, "That Gloria." And smile and shake your head. I still wear my sweatpants inside out all the time, as do a lot of people, but I'll never forget that Gloria was the first person I saw do that. My mom, our cheerleading coach said, "Gloria, why do you have your pants on inside out?" "Because they were dirty." I think she had in a side ponytail that day.

I think a lot of the time I was a little jealous of Gloria, but not in a vengeful, mean sort of way. It was a way that made me want to be better. I wanted to be healthy and take care of myself, yeah, duh, but I wanted to be nice like Gloria and have that many friends and be that true to people. She'd be in the mall and see you and come up to you and honestly want to know how you were doing. Not because it was polite and nice, but because she cared. Jeeze, half the time I see someone from high school and go the other way. Not because I don't like them, but because I'm so busy that I don't take the time to see everyone and how they're doing. Which reminds me that I'm supposed to have a 5 year reunion ready for spring and figure out some sort of memorial for Gloria and some of our other students. I need to stop being so lazy. Gloria probably would have had all of this done by now!

Oh, I remember one time she had on this makeup and I told her that it really made her eyes look even more awesome than normal, and she's the one who told me about this makeup that complimented the color of your eyes. I went right out and bought some. Kind of like when I saw her awesome cell phone. I called her and asked if she minded if I got the same one as her, because hers made me want one just like it! Of course Gloria laughed and said "I don't care, Kelsay!"

The very last memories I have of G, unfortunately, are of her lying still in her casket. Her casket. That sounds so wrong. Gloria at rest sounds wrong. She was so damn full of life, so vibrant and caring, understanding and loving, and so many other adjectives. Not that anyone should die, but of all people I know... Her? It seemed so impossible. Of anyone's family for this to happen, why hers? It was so backward.

Somehow now I feel closer to her than I did before. I'm so, so very angry with myself for never solidifying those plans to get together, for not texting or calling her more. When was the last time I called her? On my way home from Columbus, AFTER I'd found out that she'd passed away. I had to tell her that I loved her, because I realized that I really had. I felt guilty for a while after her death because I was so very upset and wanted to be around for everything because I couldn't believe that I hadn't seen her family for so long. I also thought, however, that it shouldn't be me with them so much, but Gloria's closest friends. During and after the funeral, however, I realized that we had been pretty close, and that she's a HUGE part of what I am today, and that we had many, many memories together.

And you know, I'll say it for probably the third or fourth time, that Gloria truly was beautiful. It wasn't right to see her lying there, but I have to admit, that even in death, Gloria Michelle Dawes was beautiful.

Z