Episode 1: Credit
Capital
One relentlessly sends me credit card applications. Monthly. This time they
stated that I'm "working hard to get back on track - paying bills on time
and monitoring my finances." I laughed at this because it's true and the
probably actually do know this and my credit score probably actually has gone
up in the past year. Buuuuuut I don't want their credit card and so I wrote
them a letter about it.
Dear
Capital One,
No
doubt you have been waiting with bated breath for my response to the recent
credit card special you have so kindly sent me. Though you have noticed that I
have been working hard to get back on track by paying my bills on time and
monitoring my finances, you haven't seemed to notice that I have only
ever replied to ONE of your numerous credit card offers in the last three
years. After being turned down after the hopeful "pre-approval," I
gave up in irritation.
Stop
sending me shit. I don't want your credit card with it's 22.9% variable APR. My
current credit card is 19% and it's maxed out, as is my other shitty credit
card.
Tempting
though your offers of MasterCard service may be - I haven't had much luck with
Visa - I really must decline. If I get your card, I'll just max it out and get
myself deeper into debt, eventually filing bankruptcy when the credit card
bills and student loan payments get to be too much, or I'll run away to Europe
and leave you looking very sad indeed. Save your paper, save a tree, forever in
my heart you'll be.
Sincerely,
- Z. S****
